Shame and Photos

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At some point, I began to be ashamed to have my photo taken. And ashamed of the pictures of me.  I was pondering this reaction while looking at a photo shoot a wonderful photographer just took of my family.

I suspect it is tied into the time I began to live in my head away from my body. That separation lasted many years, but it began around fourth grade. Before that I look confident and self-assured in pictures. After that, not so much.

I wonder how often that happens for girls as they leave that easy childhood and approach adolescence. I also wonder if those selfies which have proliferated everywhere mask a struggle between how we actually look and how we think we ought to look. And how often do girls “pose” instead of moving naturally in their bodies as they did as younger children? Is a “pose” any more embodied than I was in those years?

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