An Ever Present Help


While this is a picture of me and my grandfather(and yes, I could read when I was that little), this piece is on a different connection. I continue to honor my commitment to not post living relatives, so this is a stand-in photo.

I was divorced from the father of my daughter 38 years ago. Our marriage had failed, but we made a promise to raise our daughter together, to always let the other have full involvement in her life, and to make sure she always knew that two parents had her back. We also promised never to put down the other parent in front of her. She lived mostly with me, but freely spent time with her dad. Sometimes it was as simple as him stopping over to take her to ice cream. Sometimes it was a camping trip. Once it was a cross country trek to meet the extended family spread over the United States. Once when I was very ill, he immediately took her to his home for a month, making sure she could continue in the school near me.

He and I each remarried in 1988, and we both remain in solid marriages. Our grandchildren are blessed with four grandparents on their mother’s side!  We all attended college graduation, wedding, and musical performances together. We had honored our commitment to our daughter.

Was it easy? No. Did it require each of us to sacrifice our need to be right? Yes. We learned as we went along, knowing only what we had seen  damage  children. We tried hard to avoid those pitfalls.

So this Advent I am grateful to my first husband and his wife. Merry Christmas.

2 thoughts on “An Ever Present Help

  1. I love this. It’s what my ex husband and I are just about managing for our children, I think. The feelings for each other have gone – went a long time ago in truth – but our children love each of us and we love them. I think his role in my life was to give me my wonderful children (and when I didn’t expect any – I was 42, 44 and 49 when I had them, without even trying – I was incredibly lucky) and then give me my freedom – freedom to become me and also to fall in love with a man more than I had ever fallen in love with anyone before.


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