This quote from Lewis Carroll’s “The Walrus and The Carpenter” probably confuses a modern reader. What on earth is sealing wax? But when I was in high school I developed a love of sealing wax and metal stamps to make an impression in the wax. I wrote many letters then and throughout college, and I always used sealing wax for a dramatic touch.

The wax came in several colors, such as those displayed above. I lit the wick and let the wax slowly drip onto the flap of the envelope. When a sufficient blob had formed, I pressed into it with one of my metal stamps. I had several, including my initial, a unicorn and a free form squiggle. The wax dried very quickly into a hard form which sealed the letter. If anyone tried to read the letter the seal would break. For my friends with prying siblings, this was meant to guarantee that there would be no unauthorized snooping.

I bought my paper, envelopes, pens, ink,  sealing wax and metal stamps at another vanished retailer–the stationary store. Until last year there still was one remaining stationer in a nearby town and it was a true delight to walk through and admire all the goods. Apparently there is no longer enough demand for these things, so it closed. Even my local Hallmark store, long time source of greeting cards, now carries clothing, “gift items” and toys. Cards are consigned to a small back corner. So cards, too, have fallen out of favor.

I treasure old letters and old cards. It is hard to imagine future generations having any connections with old emails. It is the hand of the writer that I love, from my grandfather’s near illegible scrawl to my husband’s endearments when we were dating. Maybe letter writing will come back. I hope so.

While I have enjoyed my ramblings of the past weeks, I am returning to posts about “the way it was.” Today I am remembering using fountain pens. The kind I used throughout high school and college is seen above. The pen was filled by sticking the nib in a bottle of ink and pumping the lever on the side of the pen to fill the container inside. This was quite modern compared to the need to constantly dip the pen into ink. In fact, the desks we had in grade school still had ink wells, a place to keep a bottle of ink.

As you might imagine, this method of pen filling was quite messy. It required a “pen wipe,” a soft cloth specifically tailored to cleaning up the nib after the refill. It also helped to have a blotter on your desk for the inevitable spills. Sometimes black ink was required, sometimes blue. I had a bottle of each in my desk.

Towards the end of my college years, I encountered the new(to me anyway) invention of ink cartridges. These fit into the barrel of the pen, were punctured open by the bottom end of the nib, and allowed ink to flow into the nib. They were convenient since you could easily tell how much ink you had left, something not possible with the lever pen. However, of course, the cartridges cost more than a bottle of ink and didn’t last nearly as long.

Ball point pens were considered gauche and I never used them in school. Fountain pens, simply called pens, were all I knew. Ink stained fingers, ink marks on my nose from those ink stained fingers, blotches of ink on books I was consulting, drips of ink on my rug, all these marked my time with “submit in ink.”

Over the past two months I have been through two fairly unpleasant hospital procedures. In June, the doctor biopsied a suspicious area seen on a mammogram. Yesterday, the colorectal surgeon put me through a colonoscopy. Both procedures had good outcomes. The biopsy revealed no cancer. The colonscopy revealed no polyps.

What impressed me the most in both situations was the change in medical personnel from the time I was young. My first experiences of doctors were ones between authorities(the doctors) and the supposedly ignorant(the patients.) Accordingly, the doctors did what they thought they needed to do without explanation. Shots were ordered and given. The most I ever heard was “this is going to hurt.” Not a sentence to calm the anxious.

But change has come to the medical profession, as least as far as my recent experiences reveal. Everyone seemed to understand that I was anxious. Everyone went out of their way to tell me what was going to happen or was happening. One even said, “We don’t want there to be any surprises.” What a concept. I was told that the iv fluid would feel cold, that the biopsy needle made strange noises, that the beeping in the operating room meant things were fine, and that the oxygen mask smelled funny because of the plastic used to make it. I was asked if I was cold and needed a blanket. When I had to hold my arm in a weird position, they offered a rolled up towel for support. When I had to hold one arm over my head, they handed me a rubber ball to squeeze “so your arm won’t go to sleep because that feels weird.”

Some people may miss the all knowing doctor. I am reassured by this new approach. I am seen as the anxious patient I am. They are concerned and seek to minimize the stress. As for me, my blood pressure stayed low throughout and my heart beat steadily and calmly. Thanks everyone.

This Wednesday morning I am having a colonoscopy. It is the fourth one I have had, since they found a polyp the first time around and a wonky appendix last time. I have adjusted to the protocol although it is unpleasant because I value the screening. I won’t go into all the details, but the day before you can only have clear liquids. A friend teased me that vodka is a clear liquid, by the way!

But in this new, revised and “better for you”  instructions I received this time around, I was told that for three days before the procedure I was not to have whole grains, brown rice, nuts, popcorn, beans, fruits or vegetables. That list comprises about 95% of my regular diet with a little meat now and then. I have had to eat things I haven’t had in years including white bread, plain bagels and macaroni and cheese. In fact, if you look at the illustration above, I was to eat just the left side and not the right side.

I feel lousy. Everything they say about eating this way is true. It is not good for you. I find it hard to believe that this makes the preparation easier. For me it has simply extended the ordeal to four days instead of one. Who came up with this one? If you are a gastroenterologist, please respond ASAP.

I have been married to my husband for thirty years, but forty five years ago I married the father of my daughter. Although that marriage lasted only four years, our lives have been linked because of our child.

People with children who divorce have real choices about how they will conduct their post divorce relationship. Some spend it attacking the other parent at every chance they get, both in front of the children and among friends. They may refuse to even talk to the other parent and insist on all communications going through lawyers. We consciously chose a different route. At first it was just to be civil to one another and to never demean the other in front of our daughter.

As time went on, we found we were able to be cordial to one another, not just civil. We began to attend school events together. While my daughter primarily lived with me, her father saw her frequently, taking her on camping trips, to family reunions and just over to his house.

Thirty years ago we each remarried and remain in those marriages. Somewhere along the line we went from cordial to friendly. All four adults have gone to graduations, weddings, concerts and other events together. Our grandchildren benefit from four grandparents on their mother’s side.

It required a great deal of maturity to live this way, and it was a stretch for sure. But all these years later, it is my first husband who knew my sisters as children, knew my parents, knew me as a young adult. In fact, he has known me longer than any other person in my life. He lives far away and we see each other rarely. But we were faithful to our commitment to our daughter and we have been richly rewarded.

All of my life I have been told that I need to be an informed citizen of the United States. From current events in grade school to American History in high school through getting to vote at 21, I have paid close attention. I have spent a great deal of time involved at a local level in planning, both urban and transportation. I have watched the evening news since Walter Cronkite and Huntley and Brinkley.

Now I am on a Trump fast. I have tuned out, as I promised a while back that I would. While I struggle with this decision, fearing that I have become a passive sheep in the face of a destructive wolf, I am sticking with this practice. We are governed(I use the term very loosely) by a dimwitted narcissist. He has made breathless daily news the current diet for many Americans. I was one of them. But I found that it produced a constant level of anxiety which served no purpose, either for the country or for me.

I am a faith based person, and one day God suggested to me that I follow the words of the children’s librarian when she reads a book to a squirming mass of preschoolers. “Eyes on me.” There is a cute hand gesture that goes with that with two fingers pointed at the eyes. So I have taken my eyes off Donald Trump. I am amazed at the change in my outlook on life. My mind is free to create, dream and interact with others on topics other than the national news. I live in a so-called “blue state” which means my Congressional representatives already represent my views.

Peace.

I started this blog two years ago without any idea of what would happen with it. From the beginning, I disregarded the advice that I focus on one theme, promote myself through other social media, and aim for a large number of followers. Instead, I began to use my blog to share my thoughts, my recollections and my observations on a wide variety of topics. Over the two years my posts have included dogs, children, politics, religion, loss, childhood and the “olden days.”

Much to my amazement, many people from all over the world have read my posts over the last two years. In fact, at one time or another, I have been read by people in ninety nine countries, including a couple I have had to locate on a map. I had no idea that my words could ever travel much farther than I ever will. As a result, I began to follow writers from around the world. This expanded my view of life as I discovered common concerns and interests shared around the world. My country’s politics receded in importance, and I began to follow other news from new places.

Most gratifying, I have found a level of kindness and civility wherever I connect through my blog. Unlike the scathing, nasty comments so prevalent on many web sites, mine are thoughtful. Perhaps this is because I moderate my comments, but I also find this level of civility on other blogs that allow comments to be freely posted. Yes, I have had a few scammers, but not so many that I have despaired.

So I take a minute to thank all of you who have read any of my thoughts. And thank you to everyone who writes. My life has been abundantly blessed by you all.

I realize that this picture makes our dog look weird, but she is fine, just chewing on an ice cube, part of which is next to her head. At the moment she is obsessed with ice cubes. She recognizes when I get a glass out of the cupboard and runs for the ice she is sure to follow. She can be upstairs and hear me in the downstairs kitchen and she comes running. I am unclear why ice satisfies her so much, but it is certainly cheaper and less waistline expanding than dog treats.

I am not sure why these are called “dog days.” Around here, every day is a dog day. As far as our dog is concerned, we are her little flock of two and it is her job to keep track of us. I talked about getting a puppy several months ago, and ever since she has followed one or both of us from room to room. I think she is not too subtly suggesting that she is more than enough. Who needs another dog?

My husband works four days a week and likes to sleep in on his day off. This causes our dog some concern and she will poke and lick him hoping he will get up at his usual time. I have to remember to shut the door to the bedroom so he can sleep. Then our dog lies down outside the bedroom door awaiting his appearance. She stays there until he gets up.

Unless she hears the freezer door open!

This little Maine fisherman spins his oars and turns around in his little boat whenever the wind blows. He adds a touch of amusement to our yard. You may also be able to see a little yellow cottage with green shutters in the far background of the yard. This playhouse served to entertain our grandkids when they were little, but I had bought it before their births because I had always wanted a playhouse. On top of our garage is a weather vane of a cow. Why? Because my husband loves cows.

Our yard will never be part of one of those pay to look at other peoples’ gardens tours. It wasn’t designed by a landscape architect, nor will in be featured in Better Homes and Gardens. Instead it displays both my husband’s love of perennials and berries, my love of annuals and both of our affection for the whimsical.

The little fisherman makes me laugh as he reminds me of myself on many days, rowing and rowing and going nowhere but in circles. The playhouse healed a long ago childhood wound and we call it a “garden shed” for those who would never understand. The cow spins around looking for the barn so he can come in out of the rain. We simply love our yard!

My grandparents had a porch swing in their backyard in the country. I always wanted one for our home. Finally I was able two years ago to find one study enough to last more than a season. Our neighborhood is littered with falling apart porch swings, casualties of New England winters. This one lost it first canopy to an unusually early heavy snowfall before we had brought the canvas inside. I found this replacement one and remember to take it and the cushions in before bad weather.

I had an idyllic fantasy of sitting on the swing having deep heart to hearts with my grandchildren. One of them prefers to chin himself on one of the support beams.(Good thing it’s sturdy.) The other doesn’t like to sit still having heart to hearts. The one time I suggested it to her, she looked at me quizzically. “Is that what you did with your grandmother?” Well, no. Come to think of it, my grandmother was so tired in the evening after being surrounded by the four of us she just wanted to sit.

It welcomes me when I sit down, gently swing and continue deep heart to hearts. With myself!